Dear Bro. Fuston,
I am now a shadow of myself. I am an ordinary walking corpse. I can’t think straight presently. I have withdrawn from public functions and interactions with people.
I never believed that someone I sacrificed my all for could look at me in the face after all that we shared together for eight solid years and said to me not to ever come close to him.
I will be a coward, because I have thought of it, if I go ahead and take my own life for a man I gave my hard-earned money and food. Rather I must have my own pound of flesh, definitely!
I want to find out from you if I could go back to a guy that has long been pestering me for a relationship now that the opportunist and wolf that came to me in sheep clothing has turned my joy into mourning.
Fear, anger and confusion are my companions. Won’t this guy mete out the same treatment meted to me by others? Time for me is ticking fast. I am 36 years and I felt my last relationship with the thief that came and stole all I had would lead to tying the nuptial knots, but I was wrong totally.
Will staying single solve my problem? I am confiding in you because shame won’t let me tell my relatives and friends who warned me a number of times to be wary of the guy, because in their understanding he never liked me but was hanging around with me to help him solve one problem or the other.
In fairness, I won’t be able to exhaust all the help I rendered to him ranging from paying his school fees about four times before his graduation to assisting him pay some fees to secure a visa to his failed trip to the USA.
There was a semester he was coming to school from his village in Ikenazizi Obowo and would sometimes not come because of transport fare to school; neither could he pay for a hostel accommodation. He shed tears when I told him I will split into two the cash my parents gave to me for a self-contained room, while he takes half to pay and squats with few of his friends. I also will take the other half to be a squatter with some friends. I did this for the love I had for him, believing then that he has greater love for me.
I know the number of abortions I went through at his behest. His poor parents at the village gave me the feeling of a daughter-in-law, now their son is working and bringing money home and I have fallen out of their favour, especially his mother.
Now she knows I am too fat and almost the same age with her son because I look older than him now and will appear much more older if I happen to give birth to just a child, if ever I will give birth to any.
The 22-year-old girl from Mbaise he is gearing up to marry is the best for him and he has made this clear to me.
I have always loved and believed in him and that’s why I am afraid if I will survive this heart break from him. This other guy is not what I want for a husband and he may not be talking about taking me to the altar soon because that is the number one thing on my mind now.
Ordinarily, we need sometime to get used to each other and I am not certain how long that will take, this is why I feel empty and seriously think of what drastic measure to take to inflict the same pain he is making me pass through today.
I have been scorned by people I took as my people, so I will not wait for a long time to bring any of them on the same page with me.
Chimeka,
Owerri.
Dear Chimeka,
I am glad you chose not to be a coward by committing suicide. It will also be in your best interest if you choose not to be a murderer by snuffing out life from this guy or any of his family members.
How do you intend to get your own pound of flesh without taking laws into your hands? There are certain situations that require one to push them behind and move forward, and yours is a good example of such.
You are 36 years and you think your chances of walking down the aisle with a man are getting bleak. This mindset is incongruous and can lead you into a more harmful situation.
A man you gave your all and supported his cause for eight years and yet he betrayed you instead of being grateful, that man does not deserve you.
Ingratitude is a seed and those that sow it will definitely reap it. Why not leave this guy that inflicted pains on you to reap the seed he sowed.
It worries me that our young ladies easily give into sex before marriage with the increasing warnings from several quarters on the dangers that accompany this deviant act.
You wouldn’t have gone through the series of abortions you went through if you were married to this guy. One of the main reasons why young unmarried people should wait for the right time to have sex, pray no harm is done to your womb during this series of abortions.
You did not list the reasons for your refusal to have the second guy as your friend. You only said he is not the kind of man that you desire to be your husband.
This actually is your personal life, but such reasons would have offered us the opportunity to advise you on the right step to take. If indeed he is not the man you want as a husband, then don’t waste your time on him.
Courageously come out of your self-inflicted isolation for it is still morning for you. Heart-break is a phase of life you have gone through, so you know better, and can maturely speak to others passing through this phase.
Give yourself to activities that can spiritually bring you closer to God. Present yourself a decent girl and always follow after righteousness and it will not be long the man that will truly love and take you for who you are will appear on the stage and marry you
Worry not young woman, you have potentials and good things to hand over to your generation.
Have a wonderful weekend.
