Dear Bro Fuston,
My story is not palatable, I don’t need pity but someone that will aid me find a solution to it, and when I came across your column in Nigeria Newspoint I kind of heaved a sigh of relief.
I was married to a man I gave all my heart to, but instead of appreciating and reciprocate my love for him; he smashed my heart on the ground.
The marriage only lasted for four years, it became shaky at the second year for reasons I cannot exactly point to, and finally we divorced when our only child, a baby girl died at 10 months. I rented a room self contained apartment and began staying alone.
Few months after, about six months a young banker two years younger than me started asking and disturbing me for a date. I declined because I was believing that my estranged husband will see reasons and probably redress his steps and we make up again as husband and wife.
This young handsome banker waited patiently for about five months to get positive answers from but when he realized that I wasn’t going to bulge in my decision, he left, now he is married. I left the window of reconciliation between me and my former open until after two years, he sent an SMS to me inviting me for the Wedding between him and his new wife and that was when it dawned on me that I am actually a divorcee.
I have for sometime now conquered the psychological, emotional effects and all the perils of this failed marriage.
As it stands now, my new troubles are the guy I am presently in love with, and I would want you to critically look at the situation and advice me on the best thing to do.
He is an engineer and I am a federal civil servant. He is 35years of age and I am 34 years old. I live and work in Enugu while he lives and work in Owerri.
He is from Arondizuogu in Imo State while I am from Udenu in Enugu State.
We have been getting on for about seven months now and because of distance our discussions are usually on the phone, except for few occasional visits. He proposed to marry me on Sunday November 4th this year and I did not waste time to accept his proposals.
The next day being Monday 5th he called in the evening and told me to prepare for a visit to his parents in the village on Saturday and I agreed to this.
I quickly called a Lady friend in Owerri and told her that I will be coming into Owerri on Friday Preceding this Saturday and would love to pass the night in her house for an onward journey to Arondizuogu, and my friend accepted.
I told my so-called fiancé my plans and we concluded that he will come to my friend’s house on Friday evening to see me and also will be there on the morning of Saturday for our journey.
Sir, can you believe that I came into Owerri and called his telephone numbers from 3pm I came in till the next morning without success and he never called me.
When his line finally went through at about 10am, he kept saying Hello, pretending not to have heard me and never made any attempt to call me back.
I sent many text messages to him without reply. I stayed in Owerri till Thursday wanting to see him but all my efforts were unsuccessful and I left angrily Friday morning and never called him again.
Only for him to call me after two days and was blabbing about his phone having problem and his traveling to his village alone since he can’t reach me on the phone.
My mind is telling me that all he said were lies. He begged me to forgive him and since then has been preaching how much he loves me and would want us to be together.
My Lady friend, the one I slept in her house told me to forget about him and wait for a more serious man, but this guy has been pleading.
I am confused right now because I hardly can trust him again, more so my mind is telling me that he is bent on having me on his bed only and may not be interested in taking me to officially meet his parents as his wife. Can you please help me know if this guy really loves me?
Uche
Enugu
Dear Uche,
One truth you should bear in mind is that some men are deceptive and can go any length to get their prey into their hook.
Your experience in Owerri is a good pointer that the guy is not desperate about making you his wife. There was no effort on his part to ensure that your agreement to go visit his parents in the village is fulfilled and this act is very suspicious.
Marriage is a sacred and serious institution and must be treated with respect, if you think you cannot trust the guy, better stay away from him till he proves himself trustworthy or otherwise.
I am not saying or supporting total closure of the window of this relationship, but you must be on guard to actually know the character of this guy begging you to forgive his wrong doing.
I am glad your mind is telling you that someone can take undue advantage of you sexually; this is a good reason why you must not let yourself off guard.
There is nothing wrong in affording one a second chance and so you can give him a second trial but not throwing yourself at him.
You must get enough conviction from him before making any other vital move concerning this affair.
A leopard hardly changes its spots, if you will not allow your emotions carry you away I assure you that you will soon know how honest or dishonest the guy is.
Stop being confused, keep your head cool and definitely you will know where the relationship is heading to.
Another important thing that helps in this type of situation is prayer. Have you earnestly prayed over this problem? If you have not, begin now to pray to God for direction in this matter.
Don’t tread your pride which is your womanhood with anything.
If the guy really loves you, that you will find out this second time and if he does, you try and push back the first error and move on with him, but if not do not waste your precious time on a predator eagerly waiting to devour your must priced value.
Be careful and happy weekend.
