Dear bro. Futon,
Sincerely speaking, marriage sometimes can be very frustrating. As I write to you I feel like one boxed into a suffocating small corner.
I used to be very out going as a spinster, but since I got married and started having children I now feel like someone that has been taking out of my familiar world to an unknown and strange land.
Whatever one does comes with a saying “you should know that you are a married woman” I find it hard to go to places I used to visit, dress the way I want to dress and all that.
I wedded on my 24th birthday and it has been 4 years since then.
My husband nags at every little mistake and this behaviour of his puts me off totally, recently, he has started hitting me with his hands, the last was with his belt and this was made my love for him dropped tremendously.
Each time we make love o remember how he hurts me and therefore will not respond well. The person I remember every now and then since he began to beat me is my ex-boy friend, who then used to pet me and make love to me the way I feel it in my soul.
I have a 2year and seven months old son and a daughter of five months old, I have been deeply thinking of taking this kids and relocating else where he is still young, 35years and can easily marry another women who can tolerate his nagging and beating.
Please, sir what is your view on this.
Margareth
Port Harcourt
Dear Magareth,
Marriage is not like a log of wood that you can always drop when it becomes so heavy on you.
Marriage requires, Patience, temperance, self control, understanding, love, tolerance, kindness, forgiveness and other virtues.
Both parties may not give these virtues at the same time. The man maybe so harsh on the woman, as in your case, it will only take a patient, understanding and a woman that can bring her tempers under subjection to tolerate this man.
Domestic violence mostly against women and children is condemned in all quarters. Your man must be made to know that beating his wife, the mother of his children instead of bringing respect to him will end up demeaning him.
On your part, examine yourself and find out if you have been contributing to the things that make him berate and beat you. Those little mistakes to you may not be little to him, so try to stop such mistakes.
Also men like to protect their ego and any thing they feel is geared towards deflecting their ego is sometimes met with stiff resistance. Have you been doing things that show disrespect to him?
Why must you reflect on your past relationship instead of reflecting on the good things your husband did for you at one time or the other.
No one will believe that in four years of your marriage with this guy, he has not done anything to put smile on your face.
When you increase your love for him, I bet you, you will think less about your ex boy friend and when this happens, the bickering and quarrellings will decrease.
Don’t run away from your marriage, stay back and solve your problem. It id your text and your ability to overcome will prove you a real wife and mother, but failure in thus problem will ever leave a mark of regret in your heart.
I wish you the best in this New Year.
