Dear Bro Fuston,
I have complained to my husband about the kind of pressure coming from men asking me to be their lovers, I have also put in my best to convince him that it is becoming unbearable but he wouldn’t listen.
Times without number I had begged, shouted at him and had cried for him to either return to us here in Nigeria or make papers for me and our children (two) to join him in Italy but he treats the whole thing with levity.
Since five years we got married, it has been one promise of you people will soon come or let me finish what I have here in Italy and establish in Nigeria so that we can stay as a family on my final return. This has been going on without being fulfilled.
Could you believe I have stayed up to two years without a touch, warmth or even physical presence of a man in the house, especially in the night?
In my wildest dream, I never thought that I could stay for one year without joining my husband where he is, after the promises and assurance he made to me.
I am beginning to lose my features as a lady and my pride as a married woman.
Sometimes I feel moody and angry at the other time I will feel like a spinster. The worst being that each time he calls me on the phone, he neglects my feelings emotionally and desire to have him around, but concentrates more on telling me about his big business hits, he thinks all I need is money and good cars to keep body and soul moving.
I made a very serious vow to God never to defile my marriage, because mum never did that and she told me that it is the success of marriage. But as it stands I am about to break that vow, and I put the whole blame on my husband.
The truth is that men are disturbing me more than I can bear and I think I need one to assist me put an end to this disturbance and also fill the gap in my life.
I have stopped wearing makeup and most times wear flowing gowns to avoid this everyday disturbance, the more I try to do this and other things I can’t put down, they keep on pressurizing.
Bro Fuston, you are the first and probably the only person I am going to speak to on this matter and I am optimistic that I will gain something meaningful from you.
How do I go about this matter? Already, I have offered a red signal to one of the men that lucks around me for friendship, he appears gentle and decent and I am ready to go the whole hub with him if it works out well.
But I want to seek your opinion first, StellaMaris is my name, I am 34 years and lives in Owerri, I called you one Sunday evening but you told me to send my problem via sms.
Dear StellaMaris,
I will be the last person to encourage you to indulge in adultery. God forbid that I do such.
Your situation is pitiful but it is not a good reason for you to engage in the wrong act intentionally.
Yes, you know that the idea of keeping a man-lover or bedmate because your husband is away and probably careless about your emotions and desires is improper.
Your feelings are not out of place because you are flesh and blood just like any other animal, but the difference which you should show as a higher animal is your ability to control these feelings and sexual urge till such a right time.
I have always had reservations about diaspora marriage because of its numerous challenges, now that you are some of these challenges you are expected to be patient, don’t try to correct it through the wrong means, always seek redress through the appropriate means.
Have you prayed consistently over this issue? Don’t let anything slow your mood or take away your pride as a woman. It is also important to let you know that keeping a sexual relationship outside your marriage, no matter the condition will reduce and rubbish your womanhood, so stay away from adultery, it comes with woes.
I am happy that you know that defilement of the marriage bed is an abomination. The devil is using the men that disturb you for a relationship to make you break your vow and also commit this wrong act.
Continue to tell your husband that you are a family and as a family the best for you people is to stay together, don’t relent in making him understand that you miss his warmth and that you and the children are weary of his prolonged absence at home.
Don’t fail to find out why he has been treating this matter with kid gloves that will help you a long way to know what his problem actually is.
Never allow any man sweet tongue you into an irresponsible and reprehensive affair, hold your head so high, keep your dignity and integrity as a mother and wife.
These challenges confronting you now have time lag. Don’t let the challenge sweep you off your feet before expiration.
I told you to pray, prayer is capable of pulling down strong holds of procrastination, promise and fail and non commitment to your desires and feelings as exhibited by your husband.
Open up avenues of serious communication with him, don’t stop talking to him, don’t stop praying sooner or later you will begin to see results.
Happy weekend.
