Dear Bro Fuston,
I decided on what to do before someone suggested that I should seek a professional advice. I commissioned some agents to secure a two-bedroom apartment for me but on a second thought I suspended the idea.
It is about eight years I got married, but the truth is that I have not enjoyed the marriage for one day. Ordinarily, I would not have made the choice of the man that later became my husband but due to the problem I got myself into in my teen, I opted to marry him.
Someone got me pregnant when I was 16 and denied not being responsible for my pregnancy. His parents were rich and so my mother, a widow could do little to persuade the family to accept me as their daughter-in-law. They also never cared about me and the pregnancy since their son denied ever having anything to do with me. I was left without care except for some handouts from some Good Samaritans.
That was how this old man, who wasted his years in the then Gold Coast now Ghana came to seek my hand in marriage and I was married off to him.
Two months after few traditional rites were done I moved in with him and gave birth to my first child a baby girl.
From the very first day he came to marry me, I never liked him because I know he is older than my late father, but because of the shame, the stigma and sufferings that are associated with single motherhood, I accepted to marry him.
Some people that do not know him as my husband often refer to him as my father and I have not been able to tell people boldly that he is my husband.
I struggled by engaging in petty trading to see myself through the secondary school, now I am in my 200 level in a polytechnic.
We now have three children-a girl and two boys-but the truth is that I don’t want to be living in my painful past. Seeing this old man who can’t satisfy me sexually reminds me of my inglorious past.
I have been thinking of how to leave him and begin a new life but I have always thought of who will take care of him. I want to know if I will be justified to leave apart from him, especially now that a son he had while in Ghana has come to reunite with him. I intend to take along with me our children and will endeavour to give them good training.
Is this approach the best? It is obvious that I am ashamed of this old, weak man as my husband and my continued stay under his roof will not stop me from getting satisfaction from my lover outside. I think my separation from him will give me peace of mind and the latitude to leave my life without injuring any body’s feelings. Send your reply via email.
Uroma from Asaba Delta State.
Dear Uroma,
There is a way that seems right to a person but the end of it is death.
Every mistake carries with it a level of punishment, that is, why people are warned to be wary of their indulgence mostly during teens.
My findings show that you are being blinded by lust. Sexual satisfaction is not all that is required to keep a marriage.
You are placing your sexual need way above other important needs of the family and that is why you are unfaithful to your husband.
Do you know that the same old, weak husband of yours is somehow protecting you from invaders, who will invade your privacy if you leave him to live alone?
Are you saying that there is nothing good about your husband no matter how little or insignificant?
If there is, then I suggest you focus more on those good qualities and I bet you this will improve your relationship with him.
That your husband is older than your late father and weak also is not a justifiable reason for you to abandon him.
Adultery is a sin before God and man and there is no genuine reason for a partner in marriage to indulge in it, not even the poor performance of her spouse is enough justification.
Come to think of it, what if you are the old and weak partner and this man is planning to abandon you? Will you feel comfortable with this plan?
Learn to love the one you married and not to marry the one you love.
Remember, it is not usually easy for a man and wife to raise their children into maturity not to talk of you carrying this burden alone. Also note that you used him to cover what you called the shame and stigma of single parenthood after the father of your first child denied you.
Separation from your man is not a panacea to your problem, so stay in your marriage, some people who are married to even young people pass through the same problem you are passing through, yet they remain in their marriages.
Always seek for a way to make your man happy, be proud of him because he is your husband..
Enjoy your weekend, dear.
