Dear Bro Fuston,
Since one month I have known who the father of my lover is, I have not known peace. I don’t know how to go about this issue, the worst being that we parted in a most absurd way.
The truth of the matter is that the older man was my sugar daddy who assisted me financially and I in return assisted him in kind, that was the kind of relationship we had about three years ago.
The man is a big business man who imports goods into the country, his family lives in Lagos, but they are from Awalla in Isiekenesi in Imo State.
He comes at least once every week and sometimes stays for a whole week before moving back to his base or to any country of the world depending on his itinerary.
One of days he returned home he sent his driver to move around the higher institutions in the state to fetch him a girl that would keep him company for the period he was to stay that was how I came into this man’s life.
He was nice to me I must confess and I never disappointed him, but trouble broke out between us when he returned as usual and sought to stay with me. I promised him that I will come but never did, I lied to him that my elder sister in Port Harcourt gave birth to a baby and that she refused that I should return to Owerri because I am the only one taking care of her. The same day he sent the driver to pay in some substantial amount of money for me.
Unfortunately, he caught me in the act about two hours later along Ikenegbu shopping with my boyfriend in one of the known super markets. That was how the bubble burst.
He concluded that he was giving me money which I used in training my boyfriend in school. That was how we separated after I begged him to forgive me and he refused.
It’s about three years now this incident took place and I have forgotten about him, but not without some fond memories especially on few trips I embarked upon with him.
I graduated last two years and moved to Lagos to work in a blue chip company. I had barely stayed for four months and met this cute-looking guy whom I was attracted to the first time. The guy is fun to be with, entertaining and caring, since we became lovers I have always dreamt of the day he will ask me to marry him, that day finally came two months ago and the unfortunate thing which is knowing his father happened last month.
He has always told me that he is from Ideato but it was last month that I knew that Isiekenesi is in Ideato.
He took me to their family house at Apapa to introduce me to the members of his family. I was shocked to realize that my Isiekenesi sugar daddy is the father of my Ideato lover.
The man after listening to his son introduce me as the best thing that has happened to him and his willingness to marry me simply said “ok, I have seen her, lets see how it goes, but I have my reservations”.
He has called me on phone two times since our visit to inform me that it will not work out between me and his son. He also warned me not to let his son know anything about our past dealings, because letting him know will ruin his marriage of 31 years.
As I write to you, I am faced between the devil and the deep sea.
This old man doesn’t want me as his son’s wife and letting his son who is everything to me into this whole saga will definitely shatter my dreams.
I don’t want to lose him. He has affected my life so much that I may end up being a walking corpse if he leaves me.
I have prayed to God to forgive me my sins and make this marriage work. It is my life and I want to hold on to it. Do you have a solution that I can decently follow to address this issue? In fact you are my last hope.
Good morning,
Jane from Lagos.
Dear Jane,
Whatever goes around turns around. You have prayed to God to forgive your misdemeanor. That is quite good, one truth you must know is that God actually forgive sins but there must be punishment that should be meted out to wrong doers.
This may be your own punishment for committing fornication with a man old enough to be your father.
Mistakes of years past can haunt one in the future. Imagine an ex-convict who desires to be a traditional ruler or seeks any elective political post, definitely, some people will remind him of his past sins that led him into prison. That is why it is good for everyone to strive and keep good records, for it is said good name is better than silver and gold.
Well, let me not dwell so much on your mistake. Let’s see what we can do to proffer solution to this situation.
It may not be nice for you to go on covering your mistake. I mean the mistake of dating the father of the man that intends to marry you.
The Bible said you should buy the truth and sell it not. Another passage made it clearer when it said the truth will make you free.
Making you free means freeing your heart from worries, and other troubles that may have bedeviled you due to lies and some cover-ups you have tried to do.
When you say the truth especially in matters like this one, you free yourself from emotional worries. How long do you intend to keep this secret to a man that you would want to spend the rest of your life with? What is he finds out the truth from another source?
The best bet is to tell your lover the truth, doing otherwise will be counter-productive, sit him down and tell him the whole truth and make him understand how deeply remorseful you are.
Love is usually open. If you indeed love this guy, then tell him about this your sordid past, we all have out dirty past.
If he actually loves you, he may not count this act against you, though, it is difficult but if you two can reach an understanding it may be an opportunity to save the randy old man from his adulterous life if he is still in it.
This requires dialogue and a peaceful approach, you can go ahead to do this immediately before it becomes late and bring you to open ridicule.
If he chooses to drop you because you told him the truth about your past, so be it. In this case you move on with your life believing God to provide you with someone that will love you more than this guy.
This is my candid advice. Have a nice weekend.
