Dear Bro Fuston,
Thank you for making available this platform for sorrowful minds like me to offload their burdens. It shall be well with you and your family.
Sir, my burden is too heavy for me to bear alone, I am being shattered emotionally almost every week. I have been hurt over and over again by the only man I gave my heart, body and soul, and for over six years I have been suffering in silence, not letting anyone into my predicaments for the sole reason that they may mock me and discourage me from going ahead with the relationship.
I look upon you as a deliverer and guide in this whole problem and I am sure you will not let me down.
I have been making people around me believe he is the best man, thinking that he will change soon, how to tell them to wade into the matter is a difficult thing for me, that informed my decision to keep his disturbing behaviour to myself alone.
Now that I have found you, I am hopeful that you will show me a way out of this problem.
We are not yet married but together we have a son who is four years old, we have been together as lovers for about six years now.
I and my son live with my parents at Irete while he lives alone at World Bank/New Owerri area of Imo State.
At first, I never knew that my boy friend is a super womanizer, even though he was keeping about two other ladies as friends without my knowledge.
It was when our relationship blossomed and he got me pregnant that I began noticing some serious changes.
He accepted full responsibility and have not faltered in taking care of my expenses and that of our boy, the worrisome thing about him is that he likes women more than his life.
It was about one month I had the boy that I noticed he was seeing other women and when I enquired from him, his excuse was that he cannot sleep with me since I am weaning a one month old baby and had to relieve conji with an old girl friend.
I forgave him and warned him not to cheat on me again and he promised never to do so, the second time I caught him, he cried and prostrated on the ground vowing not to try it any more.
But the truth is that my lover and the father of my lovely son is still neck deep into strange women. He has promised to marry me since the birth of our son but is yet to commence marriage rites.
His excuse has been to get a good paying job as a graduate that will sustain us as family only when this happens will he start the process of marriage.
I love him so much and have been eagerly waiting for the day we will live together as husband and wife.
I do not want other women to take him away from me, he is my first and only man, my life and the father of my son.
Sleeping around is the only bad thing he does to me and it hurts me greatly.
Instead of reducing in the wrong act, he is growing in leaps and bounds. Can this situation change?
Is there any hope that I can still have him all to myself?
What exactly in my powers do you think I can do to keep him at home? Help! That’s all I need from you.
Florence is 27 years old and she lives in Owerri.
Dear Florence,
It is indeed unfortunate that you are blindly in love with a man that do not care about your feelings.
You are naïve, this guy noticed that and have been taking undue advantage of your naivety.
Wake up to realities before it becomes very late and you regret more of your action.
How can a man promise you marriage for about four years now and only adduce flimsy reasons for not fulfilling his promise? He is deceiving you with the “Good paying job thing”.
“The smart guy” is running away from commitment and has been using the good job mautra to buy time, the money he spent on his numerous bed mates can be used in running a family, so that is not a cogent reason for shying away from marriage, besides, you did mention that he takes care of you and the boy, so why is he not taking up this responsibility legally?
You have every reason to doubt his sincerity. He is not the right person for you though your first man. You can live a robust and Godly life without him.
His involvement in multiple relationships poses great danger for you; he can easily acquire a deadly disease and infect you with such, such a person that has many relationship hardly remembers that God forwarned against fornication and can hardly see it as a wrong thing.
You are to be blamed equally for opening your legs for a man that is not your husband to feast on your womanhood, sex is not a way of proving ones love to a partner, many men that had sexual tango with their girl friends hardly marry them, it is not a guarantee for marriage, likewise having a baby for a man.
It would have been the best for you two to marry since you already have a son but I cannot guarantee that he will change.
But before you finally quit the relationship call him quietly for a discussion, make him understand that he is being unfair to you in his attitude.
Highlight the dangers inherent in having multiple affairs to him, make him know that God’s punishment awaits any person that refuses to adhere to God’s instructions, after this, I suggest you keep away from him and observe him for sometime, if he changes and decides to marry you, then go ahead, but if he remains the same, walk away, keep yourself chaste to attract a responsible man that can take you to the altar.
Have a good weekend.
