Divorce is a subject that is most times treated with discretion within the African cultural system. There is the awkwardness that comes with addressing an issue such as this, because personal experiences, fear, insecurities; events begin to rear its ugly head.
Frankly, am not an authority on this issue or any pertaining to it, but I will do my best to give my take on it. In the 90s, most African families were polygamous in nature and some still are.
Back then, it was a case where a man stingily married two or more wives with numerous children and grandchildren. Of course, this situation only calls for crisis considering the conflict of interest of the individuals involved, but surprisingly, there was hardly a case of divorce (that’s if they even understand what that word meant) which makes me believe that divorce was extended to us through the American/British culture along with civilization and everything else.
Almost every American family tree dated way back, whether American, Cuban American, German American, Japanese American, French American, Russian American, Spanish American, Italian American all have a trace of divorce or its related issues heavily embedded in its history. Slowly, it is beginning to creep into the African society which is seen mostly in the cases of popular celebrities, the rich and influential, and it’s only a matter of time before it becomes a trend for every household name.
Towards the 21st century, divorce rates have grown drastically for a number of justifiable reasons; people are alcoholics, drug addicts, physically abusive to their spouses or children. These are situations where separation are often best for all. Better still, divorce can be taken with a measure in cases where abuses, addictions or adultery are prevalent. These situations are extremely unhealthy.
Divorce is a lazy way out or better stills a shortcut version.
On the wedding day, the vow is “till death do us part”. But with time, the initial attraction fades, you begin to see how highly flawed your partner and at the end of the day, it is termed “irreconcilable differences”. What in the heck is the term “irreconcilable differences”? Irreconcilable differences are grounds for divorce, but really, can’t people work through their differences. It is fair to say that some differences cannot be solved but divorces with “irreconcilable differences” cited as the reason are all too common and largely unnecessary.
Most people file for divorce for any idiotic reason.
“Withdrawal of affection” is another excuse. Why couples cannot work at bringing back the affection is beyond comprehension. All these stupid excuses make it so much easier for a lazy spouse who does not want to work for his/her marriage to run to court and file for divorce.
However, most unhappy homes can be saved if both partners are willing to save their marriage. Marriage is work without extra effort; no one said it will be easy but it should be worth it.
Personally, I feel divorce is rather expensive. In terms of finances, the cost of legal fees is sure to eat deep into your pocket and it is rather frightening. In the U.S, divorce costs 33 billion dollars per year and this adds up to around $312 per household, converting that into Nigerian currency and we all know the entire story. Child support is not left out, medical payments, assistance to families, funding and possible alimony payments.
Secondly, the mental and emotional stress that comes with divorce gets worse. Most people believe that divorce guarantees a stress free life but the reverse is mostly the case.
Children of divorce are the ones mostly affected by this trend because at every turn they feel insecure. They pay the highest price. They might appear okay on the surface but deep down they are going through incredible pain.
You cannot singlehandedly offer the love and guidance of both parents to a child. And when precautions are not taken, these children pick up negative and destructive behaviors from doing drugs, pre-marital sex, teen pregnancy to getting married at an early age, back to divorce and the vicious circle is complete.
So finally you get divorce, what is the guarantee that the second, third or fourth marriage would not but the rocks as well. These experiences would only leave you bitter, miserable and resentful. So to answer the question:
“When is divorce an option? I don’t know when or the time frame suitable but I do know that divorce is not an option. Marriages are more likely to last when divorce is never considered as an option.
Pearl Chinenye is a student of Alvan Ikoku Federal College of Education Owerri
