I looked at him as tears clouded my eyes, my lips could not form the words, so I sat there and stared.
“Yes! So what he if snapped? So what if I slept with her? Don’t tell me that was the emergency you wanted us to deal with”
It dawned on me that he wasn’t sorry; he didn’t even care if his words where hurting me; he wasn’t concerned if what we shared was going down the drain.
I wanted to leave because the handwriting was bold on the wall, but then it felt like the only life I knew was with him, so I stayed and I wanted us to work it out. “Nobody is perfect”, I said.
“Everybody makes mistake” I consoled myself but part of me knew that no matter what I did or how I tried things were never going to be the same again.
Kennedy and I have been dating for five years and counting, it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns but we had our happy days and it was enough. We would sit together at home after the day’s work, eat, talk and laugh about everything that was fun about the day.
We talked endlessly about our happy memories, even the funny ones would crack us up and we would laugh uncontrollably. We lived so much in the happiness of our past that we never cared to make fresh ones. We didn’t even know how to be happy anymore and I tried talking to him since we weren’t fine.
We would always agree on things that will get us back on track, but it would seem like we never talked about them because no one was putting efforts to make things work.
Slowly and slowly, we were drifting apart and all them times that were supposed to be fun, were used for fighting, so I would stay up at night crying. I wasn’t crying for us, I cried for me, because I had loved him so helplessly that I didn’t know how to function without him or maybe that was my thought.
He was sleeping with my friend Bambi; everyone knew but me. Over a meal I told Ken that we needed to fix our relationship, because something was missing and has to be trashed. He told me everything was fine. But how could I believe such when it was even obvious to the blind that our ship was sinking.
The following week, I was stuck in the shock of my life when I caught him and Bambi in the act. The mixed emotion that ran through my system made me weak that couldn’t speak. I was pinned to that spot until my legs finally found strength to carry me out of the house.
I kept walking until I found a place to seat in a store. As I tried to shake off everything that happened, it seemed like time had refused to move again because of me. My consciousness was called back by th shop owners when they wanted to close and that was when I realized I would have to go home and face Ken again.
When I walked into the house, I took time to figure out what had happened, how it begun and where I might have gone wrong in the whole scenario. I heard his voice echo ‘’everything’s fine’’, as it could hear him from the previous week. I stayed awake watching the go tic tic as another day was creeping in and light of sun was warming up to illuminate the shattered stage I’ve been acting up my life.
Caught up with the feeling of lost and rejection we tend to go into the darker part of ourselves and view the world from this angle. We are often plagued by the emotional struggle and challenges we have passed through and sometimes are still passing through that it often sometimes affects the way we see life in totality.
We must come to the reality that everyone isn’t for us and the earlier we realize it the better. We must look deep inside within ourselves and discover that no one can make us happy other than ourselves. We must learn to find the strength to go on.
Believe in the reality of the stronger individual inside of you who is waiting to be unleashed and unchained because you deserve the freedom that goes with finding happiness.
Blossom Obi writes from Owerri, Imo State. For comments and responses, reach her via obiblossom8@gmail.com
