Dear Bro Fuston,
Kindly help me unravel this situation. I have always loved and wanted for a husband, a handsome man, sexually strong, bold and outspoken. There are other qualities I crave for, but these three are the ones I have a powerful desire for, and if any is lacking, I feel the man is incomplete and therefore not fit for me.
For about one year now, I have been dating this exquisitely handsome, almost beautiful guy. His shoulders are wide, with a lean, but elegantly sculpted body
Sincerely speaking, his features are flawless. No lady can stay close to him for 20 minutes without being tempted to kiss his red wonderful lips.
When it comes to beauty of the body, this young man is so much endowed, and if this is the only quality for marriage, then there wouldn’t have been any reason writing this mail to you. I would have accepted right away, his proposal.
I am not going to pretend, I will tell you the whole truth. We have had sex severally, it is not easy to resist him when he looks at you sexually. Without mincing words, this guy who hardly speaks, is a loin on the bed. I cannot describe his strength, accuracy and swiftness when it has to do with sex; he is just good and very exciting sexually. If sex is the only exam a man must pass before marriage, then this guy will have anything above 100%.
Now, look at my grouse about him. He has no words of his own, he can never take any decision like any real man, he will let me decide if it’s an issue concerning the two of us.
The worst and the one that gets me mad about him is that, his aged mother uses him like a remote control. Her intrusion even in the minutest things about him to me is very disturbing, and is capable of making the woman hijack his marriage.
At 31, his mother’s words to him are like laws which he can never dare alter, whether in his favour or not.
He is not bold, prefers to grumble and sulk away, than speak to anyone that offends him. His sisters even take advantage of this to control him.
I wouldn’t have believed that he saw the four walls of a University lecture room, if not for his quintessential English language and his credentials that I have seen.
He is too quiet, and I detest this whole lot. I want as my husband, a man that can stick to his gun in resisting insults and oppression. A real man both in the bed and outside, this is the kind of man I would want to marry. The is the reason why I told him to hold on for me to think about his proposal of marriage to me. What do you suggest?
Ellen from Lagos
Dear Ellen,
You are already married to this young man, what is left is the official ceremony that characterizes marriage in our clime.
You have started relishing what is exclusively ordained for the married, what more do you ask for.
It will not be easy for me to advise to push away a man you described so glowingly, a man you have enjoyed, and still enjoy sex with, simply because he is not bold and outspoken.
Some people are not given to much talk, everybody must not be bold and outspoken, some will like to accept blames even when they are right, for peace to reign. Wisdom is not necessarily shown through much talk, but by what a person achieves.
However, you can tell him to stand up for his right. At a certain stage in a man’s life, he is expected to take decision devoid of his parents, this does not mean that the man will disrespect his parents or family, but the man should rise against any force, be it parental, aimed at taking control of his marriage.
God made it that the man should be the head of his household, and this responsibility he should not abandon to his wife, father, mother, or any other person. You can point him to this fact, and I am sure it will make an impact. It is also pertinent to let you know that a behaviour imbibed during childhood is usually difficult to be dropped at maturity. I hope you do not expect this man to start acting like a lion in other areas of life immediately. Remember bed work is different from our everyday life. If this needed change must come, then it will take sometime and not in a twinkle of an eye.
Constantly remind him that some matters will require him to take a firm decision, and not allow his mother toy with his ability. This reminder must be done in meekness.
At marriage, a man is detached from his parents, and takes full control or charge of his household, that is why the Bible says that a man shall leave his father and mother, and cling to his wife and the two shall be one.
You can accept his proposal, bearing in mind that you have a lot of work to do, and that the work will be accomplished dutifully, respectfully and prayerfully.
Do not scold, or insult your husband because you feel he sulks away whenever he is required to prove himself a man, neither will I suggest that you treat your would be mother in-law with scorn because she controls her son who wants to marry you.
Use wisdom in handling this challenge. One more thing, it is usually hard to find “ALL” positive qualities in one person, not even you, Ellen. You have your own deficiencies, so you can tolerate him. My prayer is that you stay on, and be the back bone of your handsome Lover. Bye.
