Dear Bro. Fuston,
I have been enduring a particular bad behaviour from my hubby, and I want to seek advice from you because it is no more what I can handle.
He loves me, no doubt, but I think womanizing is in his blood. His father, a well-known traditional ruler, is a chronic womanizer. All his brothers and even uncles have one nasty story of amorous acts or the other hanging on their necks and my hubby is not an exception.
I have reported this matter to his parents times without number, but each time I am told to go, that they would talk to him. But it seems nothing is being done about my complaints. It is even surprising that his mother feels I am caging her son by my complaints.
My own parents are both dead; I have no one to run to anymore.
Some friends have advised me to overlook this irresponsible behaviour of my husband since he is meeting up with his family and household obligations, but I am the jealous type and it is hard for me to forgo.
Two of my friends and a relation have encouraged me to seek a relationship with a man that is decent who can always offer me peace, and that this will help me overcome his attitude, but I am still not comfortable with this advice.
We have three children and had been married for seven years. We are both 34 years old.
Whenever I confront him on this issue, he trivializes it and humorously tells me that it is the only sin he commits against God, and that God, cannot for that only sin, condemn or punish him. The truth is that I love him, but his romance with women puts me off, even though he has assured me that he will never bring anyone as second wife.
It appears if I don’t quit from the marriage, I will forever live with this nauseating habit.
Do you have any suggestion on how I can stop him?
Uloma in Owerri.
Dear Uloma,
It is heart-rending that some married people do not understand deeply what marriage is before they ventured into it.
This lack of understanding about marriage is a major reason for increased divorce in our society today.
Most parents are not helpful in this regard, many lay bad precedence which their teenage children inculcate and transfer into their marriages.
Infidelity is a serious issue, and its powers to undermine a marriage relationship cannot be questioned.
Any man or woman that trivializes the danger of infidelity is myopic in this regard and bereft of the havoc it can wreak to the home.
God in his wisdom cautioned couples not to defile their marital beds, and so there is no escape for that man that thinks God will not punish him because adultery is the only sin he commits.
The Bible forewarned, “whore mongers and adulterers; God must surely punish” Heb. 13:4.
I do not intend to add to your worry, but the home truth is that you should have enquired further about your hubby and his family before accepting to marry him, that would have afforded you the opportunity to know them better and probably take an appropriate decision, but since you have made that mistake, I will not support you to quit the marriage, though you have every right to if, indeed there is a concrete evidence that your hubby is cheating on you.
I will suggest that you make him realize that multiple relationships can lead to diseases that can take human life.
The time and money invested in this cheating game can be channeled into a more rewarding venture that can keep the family from running on a good footing.
It breeds hatred and lack of trust between married people.
I feel you don’t understand what it means for a man to carry out adequately, family obligation. There is no way a man that womanizes can give the maximum attention required of him by the family, and I think your man cannot fulfill this obligation as expected.
The children are the worst-hit in any relationship that experiences infidelity and this is one of the many reasons why you should not think of keeping a man outside your home, as doing so will expose your children more to the hazards of the day and this is very detrimental.
Don’t listen to those advising you to seek peace elsewhere.
Keep talking to your husband and do not relent in doing this, you can be talking to God also about this situation because he has the sole power to change the nature of sin in man
Draw closer to God at this time and commit your entire burden in his care.
Don’t ever think that your hubby cannot change because his father, uncles and brothers have one negative story or the other about their relationships.
This, I must tell you is the mindset of that shoe seller who said he will not make sales in that community where the inhabitants do not wear shoes, when in actual fact, he has the potential to convince them to buy and start wearing shoes.
Have a lovely weekend.
