Dear Bro Fuston,
I am having mixed feelings about the matter at hand; that’s why I felt I should write to you for guidance.
My darling husband died two years and some months ago and as tradition demands I undertook the compulsory mourning that lasted for a period of six months.
Longy, my husband was the best thing that happened to me while he was alive, throughout the five years our marriage lasted I had every cause to glorify God.
He was on top of his game as the head of the home, making sure that we lacked nothing in the house. I can’t remember my husband taking any critical decision without consulting me and each time I proffered a superior solution to an issue he without hesitation put them into action immediately.
He so much loved and believed in me to a fault, a situation that made my in-laws come through me if they wanted to make any demand from him.
I was being pampered like a new born baby but it got to a fault whenever I am pregnant. We had two kids but one died at seven months, the one alive is 4 years and has been disturbing me about the whereabouts of his daddy.
Referring him to the past or describing my husband as late is the hardest thing for me, especially when I look at our son who is the exact replica of his father.
His death is still a mystery not only to me but to everyone that knew him. He drove himself back to the house from his village after watching a local football match there. He ate, we played and I said prayers at about mid-night and slept off.
He started vomiting something like salt at about 2am. Not quite 20 minutes he started vomiting, he collapsed and before we could take him to hospital he died.
Let me not bore you with my sorrow, but that was how he passed on and the memory is as green as ever.
Every other person few months after my husband’s burial abandoned me, but one person was almost like a husband and friend to me, the only thing is that we have not heard carnal knowledge of ourselves.
He ensured that my rents where we live and that of the shop were paid promptly. He paid my son’s school fees and was going for school-run on my behalf. He shops for our house-hold needs and sometimes take me and my boy out for fun on weekends.
My husband trusted and so much confided in him and he never betrayed that trust. They had already been the best of friends even before my man started dating me. He was his best man during our wedding. He was born on the same month of March with my husband but a year younger than my man.
Tongues have been wagging since he took over the responsibility of his late friend’s family but the truth is that he never pestered me for anything.
He has insisted that he is doing what he is doing for me and my son because of the bond that existed between him and his late friend and that it will be shameful if he allows me suffer with my only son.
The confusion I have now is that his friends chided him to marry and leave a widow alone. His mother is seriously asking him to get a wife. I am the choice he has made, but I am yet to give him a reply.
I do not know what people will say if we finally get married, I also do not know how right and decent it is for us to get married.
I love his person, but I have not been able to convince myself to marry him. I still look at it from the point of this guy being my husband’s best friend to being my husband.
Please, I need guidance to do the right thing and that is why I’m calling on you to assist me since you have been assisting people with similar challenges. The guy is 39 years old and I am 33 years.
Though I miss love making and the warmth of my husband but I am not desperate about getting a man, all I want is the direction that will lead me and my son to the path of peace and happiness.
Queendaline in Aba
Dear Queendaline,
You did not bring your condition of widowhood upon yourself. God who is all-knowing knew why your darling husband had to die.
Positive-minded persons learn to live above what they cannot change, but in your case you are still being held with the erroneous belief that your husband is not late and that is why you see it as a difficult thing to refer to him in the past.
Complete realization of the fact that the man you love so much is no more, will help you a great deal.
It is not out of place to appreciate his good deeds especially to the family he left behind, but you must stop living in the past and move on to live a normal life.
I do not see anything wrong in your late husband’s best friend getting married to you. Death unfortunately has caused a separation between you and the father of your son. Yes, tongues will wag, but you must know that in all we do whether rational or irrational people must surely talk and I wouldn’t want you to be deterred by such cheap gossips.
It is even good for you to marry this man you have known for sometime, already he has started treating you the way a good husband treats the wife.
The two of you have every moral right to be man and wife and I have not seen any portion of the Bible that is at variance with such move.
You are not desperate of getting a man around you like you said, but it is obvious that you miss the warmth of a man. In my opinion it is good you re-marry to satisfy this urge. Ask yourself how long you will stay suppressing this natural urge when there is an opportunity for you to get married again. Remember you are only 33 years.
You may not be feeling the adverse impact of widowhood because his best friend is partly doing what your husband did for you.
If you are truly sure that this guy will give you the required peace and happiness, then do not waste further time in accepting his proposal.
Commit it to God in prayer, it is often difficult to make such decisions, but I am assuring you once more that nothing is wrong with the two of you getting married if the intentions of both parties are real.
Be careful of what you listen to and the things you should take into consideration.
God bless you and have a happy weekend.
