Dear Bro Fuston,
I urge you to please assist me find an answer to my present predicament.
My home is now in shambles due to this. My children who are still tender, most times come home and stay without their mother for now has no job and is expected to take care of them. My wife was not thus loose until she began a relationship with a widow who lives about 20 meters away from us.
This widow and her only daughter are not well spoken of in our neighbourhood, because of their loose lives and activities with men.
This same woman is my wife’s current best friend and there is nothing I have not done to stop this relationship between my dear wife and this shameless widow, but instead of my wife taking corrections, she is threatening to leave my house if I continue to bug her life.
My wife now tells me without remorse that she has been in bondage in our house in the name of marriage and that I am now complaining and agitating because she has realized my tricks and have decided to free herself from my prison.
I live in Owerri and if you also live in Owerri I will beg of you to visit my home around 4pm any week day when the kids usually return from school and see things for yourself.
She now goes out with this widow and sometimes return to the house 7-8pm, leaving the care of our children into the hands of my eldest daughter who is barely nine years.
This days the house is usually unkept, the children looking dirty and meals served very late at nights.
She vells and talk back at me each time I try to point out her errors, there are times I feel like strangling her with my bare hands but because I have not raided a finger on her since we became man and wife and because of the wrong message such act will send to our children I find it hard doing this.
Her father is late and I have taken this matter to her poor mother in the village and the efforts of the old sick woman didn’t bring the desired change.
I have spoken to people I feel that can influence her attitude, rather than change, she even insulted one of my aunties who called to admonish her.
We do not have a history of polygamy in my family and I wouldn’t want it to commence with me. But the truth is that the Lady I courted for two years from when she was 23 years old, till now that our marriage is about 10 years plus, in the past few months has changed to a different person entirely.
Though, I have not seen her with any strange man, but my instinct is seriously telling me that she has started seeing another man, probably introduced to her by her mentor, the loose widow.
My home is no longer the heaven of peace we used to share, things are longer done between us mutually and as would expect husband and wife.
She is a graduate, and had at one time told me that she would want to work to assist in the financial running of the family, but I said no because I bring enough money home and that if she must work, it will be a job like teaching that can afford her time enough to take care of the home since I am usually away.
This has never generated an y argument of quarrels between us and that is why I am troubled about this recent behaviour.
I am not fairing better since this her nasty attitude, my children are the worst hit, besides this is the wife of my youth and the love of my heart, I can do anything to restore peaceful co-existence between us.
What I need from you is the advice that will assist me get rid of the evil woman that wickedly wants to take my wife away from a home she has laboured to build over ten years now.
Please, do whatever you can fast before this wicked widow plants in her heart the idea of taking my life, because from the look of things the death of her husband cannot be unconnected or traceable to this widow.
I have poured my heart to you and I am sure you will not let me down.
Kindly let me know when you publish my reply to my mail.
Kenneth Onyembi
Owerri.
Dear Kenneth,
Your continued control of your tempers will in no small measure help you in winning this battle. Don’t make the mistake of flying off the handle or allow your tempers run mire than necessary.
Remove any form of violence, if you must conquer this problem, proper and consistent communication especially in marriage is needful, I am thinking that somehow there is a communication gap between you and your wife. That may have been the cause of this lack of peace in your home. I therefore employ you to try and dialogue with her.
Evil association corrupts good morals. Take your tome to make your wife understand that her association with the window is running off on the home front, and no matter how good she thinks the widow is, the recent development is doing the family importantly the children no good.
Play back, how much you have struggled with her to build a home where peace and love are at the centre and ask if she will prefer to sacrifice this peace, the children and her marriage at the alter of being friendly with this widow.
Be gently and patient in your approach, violence or war hardly solve problems and that is why you must gently.
Idleness is another dangerous tool used by the devil to cause confusion in some homes. Your wife may not have been so attached to this loose widow if she had been meaningfully busy, so do not sweep under the rug her request to secure a job.
Endeavour to find something beneficial to keep her away, not only from this said widow but from other vices that emanate from being idle.
If she can’t find a job at the moment and she can’t engage in any good business, then she can go for masters degree programme is she is yet to get it.
Make her understand that the home is where the heart is and that much of home keeping job lies on the shoulders of the wives, and her failure in this obligation means she has failed in all.
The children are watching her steps and so she must involve herself in any act that will bring regrets and sorrows to her in future.
Commit this problem earnestly and solely into God’s hands and solution must surely come.
